My Mindfulness Recipe for Smoothie Shakes-While-Unshaken

Banana Smoothie image from thespruceeats.com

Observe that large container of (expensive) vanilla protein powder (roughly 1/3 full) used to make smoothies to keep weight up has been tossed by spouse in error

Spend twenty minutes attempting to open new large container of vanilla protein powder

Pour 1-1/2 cups almond milk into blender

Reach into newly opened protein powder for scoop

Drop entire container of (expensive) protein powder onto kitchen floor; watch contents spreading over wide area of ceramic tile, missing no grouting whatsoever

Release profanity, repeatedly and loudly, into otherwise unoccupied kitchen

Dust off protein powder residue from sweatpants, sandals, and feet

Sweep protein powder from tile, grout, nooks, crannies, corners, spider webs

Standing closer to countertop, reach into container and successfully add 1-1/2 scoops of protein powder to blender

Add other ingredients: 1 ripe banana; 1 large tablespoon Trader Joe’s peanut butter

Add new ingredient for extra calories: several slices frozen avocado, as Avocado Growers of America have been persuasive that serious dislike for avocados in any form is insufficient reason to avoid this nourishing, highly caloric food choice

Place torn tissue wads into ears to minimize hearing damage from high-decibel whirr of blender

Start blender, press “Smoothie,”  step away

When blender stops, press “Smoothie” once again

Remove blender vessel from mechanism, carry oh-so-carefully to counter top

Remove torn tissue wads from ears and discard

Pour smoothie into glass pitcher; murmur “May I be filled with lovingkindness…”

Place pitcher into refrigerator, using two hands and careful concentration

Wash and dry all parts and reassemble blender

Take stock of oneself. Realize self resumed calm immediately after profanities and told self (while extracting protein powder residue from between toes) that all is OK, breathing’s been progressing, self is quite in possession of self. 

Notice with considerable surprise that Inner Critic has said nothing about the clumsiness and oafishness of dropping entire container of (expensive) protein powder onto floor. 

Ponder whether profanity frightened Inner Critic into silence.

Discard that conjecture: Inner Critic is not normally known for her timidity.

Spouse enters; is asked to assess level of calmness.

Spouse is puzzled but says “Fine.”

Spouse is then informed of the tossed-out perfectly good (expensive) protein powder in explanatory tone free of accusation or the slightest hint of negativity.

Spouse is reassured that the act of accidentally tossing out perfectly good (expensive) protein powder is not worthy of self-recriminations.

Told of the subsequent series of events, spouse confirms that mindfulness has indeed noticeably succeeded as guide through one of life’s trivial events to which one might grossly overreact.

Self mentally thanks all those virtual gurus who have explained over the past several years that the practice of mindfulness won’t ensure one always remains calm despite the circumstances, but may well help one quickly return to equanimity. 

Self breathes deeply and smiles contentedly.

Image courtesy of mindfulness.org

Namaste,

Annie

25 thoughts on “My Mindfulness Recipe for Smoothie Shakes-While-Unshaken

  1. I hope everyone follows this recipe to the letter, in every detail. You gotta do the cooking by the book! You know you can’t be lazy!

    Pretty difficult sweeping protein powder off of spider webs without damaging them, though.

    I hope the resulting smoothie was worth what you suffered for it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Alas, the spider webs: you hit a sore spot there, Infidel. Although I’m a gentle soul who would cry again were I to read Charlotte’s Web, in the interests of full transparency (an essential trait now more than ever), I must admit I did not unravel the elegant spider’s lair, remove the granular protein particles, and then reweave. In fact, I was once bitten by a spider (not one of Charlotte’s progeny, I’m sure), and it hurt like hell. So I didn’t feel as guilty as I did when I committed Murder One beetlecide. In that instance, I would have preferred to carry my victim out of doors.

      As for the worth of the smoothie, it is utilitarian rather than Epicurean. But I thank you for your concern.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Add calories? If this in the normal course of life (and not due to some medical need) I’m jealous. And I’m totally impressed at the mindfulness . . . and the profanity, which is how I’m assured you’re human!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jealousy is unwarranted: I’m not devouring wondrous things without putting on the pounds. Rather, the aging stomach rebels against so many things that it needs a little boost.

      Yeah; the mindfulness seems to have become a good friend—most of the time.

      Like

  3. Was the one here being mindful, mindful that the word expensive was tossed into the mindful commentary and even mindfully in referencing their mindfulness to their spouse who tossed the (expensive) protein without being mindful of its expense? I ask, mindfully speaking.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That was one occasion when the self mentioned the expensive cost of the powder. However, the self also mentioned that in relation to her dropping of the container and her wondering about the absence of her inner critic. Thus, the self was evenhanded—or —minded in that regard, mindfully speaking.

      How the hell are ya, Charles?

      Like

  4. LOL! So well written Annie! I can’t really relate as I don’t like or make smoothies, hence no expensive protein powder in my cupboards, but I see all that lovingkindness practice has come in handy for you. Same with avocados…..I know they are supposed to be good for brain health, but I just can not. My little grand-nephew spits them out. I can think of better items to keep my weight up like DQ milkshakes. But the spiders, the poor spiders, might you have left a little bit of the protein powder on the floor for them? Thus enabled of an additional source of energy, think of the web’s they could weave…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Joni, Joni—bringing me back to my uncharacteristically lethal behavior toward fauna! Now I shall really have to deal with my inner critic!

    I would vastly prefer a DQ shake, but my constitution rebels against fat—and a lot of other stuff. Hence the avocados, which the peanut butter seems to mask.

    I’m looking forward to your galette post, however—even if I’ll enjoy it only visually.

    Like

    1. Never thought about it til the first container landed in the garbage and the second everywhere else. However, we mindfulness people try not to hold onto regrets, so I had totally forgotten about the cost til I received your comment. Ok; now it’s gone again…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Well I’m glad I came back in time to see this today. ❤️ I love the way you didn’t make excuses for the profanity (we all use it in this type of situation!) and still had room to be mindful. One does not negate the other. The mindfulness restores the calm. Hope you are well, Annie!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. An excellent way to make the best of a bad situation.

    I’ll join Joni in my preference for old-school non-powdered calories, but then I’ve been blessed with the constitution to handle them. Too much, it seems, as my struggle is keeping extra weight away.

    I am 100% with you on the avocados. I can tolerate a good guacamole from time to time, but that usually comes with margaritas in my world, so maybe I don’t like guac as much as I think I do.

    Liked by 1 person

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